The Smile On YOUR Face
That day, I was greatly depressed. I was carrying the burdens that I couldn’t shoulder. Kneeling down before the throne, with a broken heart, I confessed.
“I have sinned, Father. There is a lump of hatred in my heart.” A trembling voice from my mouth was thrown out as I started confessing my sin. I lowered my head as I dare not to look straight to my Father’s eyes. Reddish liquid oozing out from my lower lip as I bite it; it was the smell of blood, not the taste as I like, but it gave me courage at the moment.
Tell me what you hate and why you hate, my dearest daughter? His loving voice was echoing in my ears. A trace of encouragement was found in His voice, not to judge but to heal.
“I am sorry, Father. I hate their smile. The phoney smile on their faces was ugly...” Hesitated, I knew I was not supposed to judge the jokers, for I am neither the Judge nor the Creator. I nearly swallowed up the rest of my words but my Father gently tapped on my head. He wanted me to continue.
His eyes were filled with assurance. He wanted me to split all the bitterness from the bottom of my heart. He is my Father.
I cleared my throat,” They do not mean to smile when they stretch the edge of their lips. They have a purpose for that. They have the rotten inner self yet tried to cover it with this plastic smile, to tell people how good they are, but actually not. They smell like the dead, yet trying to cover the stink to fool the world. Shame on them! ” Frustration was gradually being stirred up and my anger was boiling.
Noticed my overflowed wrath, He cuddled my head and His eyes were telling me that He knew my pain. He nodded His head as He wished me to continue. Not even a little hold back. What He wanted was all.
Tears welled up in my eyes as I continued my case,” They hurt me, Father, after I have done so much for them. It was hard for me to open up my heart to welcome them as part of my life yet I did it. They peeped into the house of my heart like a thief, broke into it to rob my joy like a robber, and stabbed my heart with their swords and tried to kill me like a murderer. Why must they be so cruel to a harmless creature like me? I meant to be friend but I was treated like an enemy; I tried to offer help but they were plotting against me; I tried to build them up but they trash me and tore me into pieces; I pray for them and comfort them in trouble times but they left me alone without a word when I needed them the most.”
I broke down in tears as I touched the most painful part of my infected wound. It reminded me about a sad story and a sad poem written on the forgotten tomb. It reads:
Sleeps, but rested not.
Pleases, but pleased not.
Loves, but loved not.
Dead, as was alive- Alone.
The simplest poem- the most striking effect on my wounded emotion. Will I end up in such pathetic situation? I wondered. Alone in the darkness, where my friends aren’t my friend.
There’s no angel.
Amidst those tears, my Father held me in His everlasting arms close to His heart. I felt warmth and loved. He brought me to His Son.
Talk to My Son and perhaps you will find your way out. His lips curved as looked at my surprised expression.
I saw the nails pierced hands and my heart skipped a beat. He is my Saviour. He has died for me and redeemed me from the Satan. I was excited. As I was pondering over the reason why am I being brought here, my Father handed me a hammer and a few nails.
“I don’t understand, Father.” I scratched my confused head.
Look carefully at the nails, My dear.
I saw some blood stain on it. The smell of the blood woke my sleeping memory up. My emotion fluctuated and salty crystal beads started to roll down. Blood, I could never forget about it- it contains my life. I am one of them, the crucifiers.
The hammer and nails slipped from my shaking hands and dropped on the floor, composing an unorganized melody at the very moment. My legs turned jelly and I threw myself on the floor, weeping for the Lamb of God.
Don’t be sad, My dear. This is why I was sent to the world. I am blameless yet I bear the all the sin of the sinners. Even they are ugly, unrighteous, imperfect, worthless, and unscrupulous, yet My Father loves them and I love them. They hurt me and do not believe in me even though I came to give them salvation. They rejected me and crucified me. The soldiers were gambling for My robe when I drained My last drop of Blood. They were close to the Cross yet far from Me. He smiled.
He lifted my chin. I saw passion shining in His eyes. An indescribable feeling overwhelmed me. I realised that those faked smile was nothing compared to the suffering, at least I got the smile not the nails.
You are saved, My dear. By My strips you are healed. Rejoice, for the suffering you bear for the sake of Me, you will be rewarded when your soul return to Father. You will be crowned a Crown of Life if you fight the good fight and finish the race yet remain faithful until the last. He smiled.
Our eyes met in the air. I have something in my mind. I couldn’t wait to vomit the thought out, but it was jumbled. I mumbled,” but the smile...” I was not being able to construct my sentence, my face turned red. I took another glance at Him, as if I was the little child waiting for consolation.
He read my mind, I supposed. A gentle tap landed on my head. What comfort. He knows that He needs no words to calm my swinging emotion but a touch will do. It works. Then, He pointed at the hammer and nails on the floor.
I had born all this for you because I love you. You are forgiven because I love you. Do you love Me?
An very easy question, yet not easy to answer. I knew there was something hidden, still I gave Him my very honest answer.
“ I love you.” Face to face I said it. A great relief followed. These three words weighed more than a ton.
He smiled. Forgive them. He said.
Forgive them? But they had caused me unbearable pain. I struggled, it’s hard to let go. Unintentionally, I bear them grudge, the hatred piled up and polluted my soul. I stole a glimpse on His gracious face. I took His hands and examined them closely, it is all for love.
Yes, all for love. Father gave the world His only begotten Son. I was one of them but now Father and I are reconciled. Why let the insincere smile darkened my days? Why let hatred accumulated take away my love for Him? Am I not loved Him? No, I love Him.
It was time to make a choice. I stood up from where I fell down, had the hammer and nails in my hands. He led me to the Cross, and I nailed my sin on it. Every batter on the nail, I felt the torment as if my flesh and bones were slashed and torn apart. I was hammering all of them with all my strength. When I had done and I turned to my Father and His Son. They replied me with smile.
“Can you do something for me, Father?” I asked as I wiped my forehead and gasping for air, and I continued without waiting for His answer.
“I pray that for everything I do for you, will be able to draw a big smile on Your face. What I want is a smile on Your face...”, I poured out my desire. “...and a gentle tap on my head... Everyday. ” Finally, I said it out. I found no reasons why should I rob my joy by looking at the plastic smile when I could have something better. No, I mean the Best.
He smiled. It was a big one.
I captured this moment in my mind. This is the reason from keeping me going no matter how rocky the journey is. I need not the crowd to remind me that I am not alone; I need not the people to tell me how loved I am, I need not the plastic smile to tell me I am accepted. I already have the answer.
The smile on my Father’s face.
