where is my fire?

I was stunned when a non-believer friend threw this question on my face.
Where is your fire?
It is dying out.
I mumbled while my eyes were trying to avoid his.
I felt so ashamed to tell him the answer, but anyhow I told him the truth.
I am tired.
Seriously I think I should ask myself and God about this as well.
I remembered the days when I was jumping praising Him during Sunday celebrations, the mornings I woke up earlier just to pray, the afternoon I spent in orpanange teaching the childeren, the evenings when few of us gathered for prayers, and the nights when I joined the worship practise...and also the piled up books which I should study for the day itself,
were left abondoned on my study desk.
Lord, is this my limit?
I am not satisfied. It must be more than this...
but where is my fire?
Lord, I thirst and I am tired. My soul is crying out for You.
Tell me Lord, where is my fire?
Ignite the fire in my heart again, O Lord. This is for You.
I pray.

Why him?

Today was the day I really felt like crying in the dissection hall, not because of the irritating formalin. It was all because of him.
Lord, I guess I challenge You too much..is it the way You answer me? I feel so burdened in my heart. Out of so many people, why him?
I neither could understand what he was trying to teach nor feel his enthusiatism to teach us.
Lord, I know I prayed: Stretch me to the maximum.
But, is this truly the way You are stretching me and not torturing me?
I think this is the first time I need to refer at least a few books just to catch up what I missed during the two hours dissection which I had not learnt anything.
I am draining out of energy.
Lord, let me draw strength from You.
I believe that You will never give me a task which is too heavy for me.
Lord, enlarge my capacity for all the challenges lie ahead.
and I wanna to let You know that:
I never regret of challenging You.
I pray for the best to come even though I am in the worst situation now.
Because You are in control of everything.

My Future Decided

You had been looking for me
in this fallen world
You have found me and You take me into Your house
and You have clothed me with Your glory
without even looking at what is in me
You love me just as the day You had created me
in Your very own image
I am greatly humbled by the life You have given to me
times after times I feel unworthy to have Your love
yet unceasingly You remind me about Your grace
it is more than enough for me
I know that You have wonderful plans for me
though I may not know anything
yet I believe
though I may not understand things that happened to me
yet I believe
though I cried over my pain
yet I believe
though I am burning out just to give You my very best
yet I believe
my future decided
in the Potter's Hand
and this is the same loving Hands
holding me now..

Abba Father, promise me that You'll never let me go...

I love You more

I was tired, my eyes were half closed.
My spirit is willing yet my flesh is too weak.
Lord, let me draw strength from You.
I used to look at Peter, James, and John a kind when I came across the passage about Jesus in Gethsemane. Why not they stayed up just for another hour and prayed together with Jesus? Why they left Jesus alone when He needed someone to pray together with Him?
Now I undersand. We are just human and we are weak.
I pushed the piled up references books away and once again I opened my Bible.
I mumbled the short prayers and I nearly fell asleep. My heart was burdened with endless exams and tests, assignment and work.
Yet, I prayed:
Lord, let me walk this extra miles for You.
Because I love You more.

A dream or a vision

Yesterday I dreamt of my mum.
She was such a cheerful lady and being surrounded by a group of young people. Maybe it was her birthday, they came to deliver their wishes. I was standing at one corner, observing these people.
What shook me was the words came out from my mum.
She declared her faith in public.
I was so surprised, the mum I know is not yet a Christian..but this one, I meant my mum in my dream, was already accepted Christ as her personal Lord and Saviour.
I was so touched to listen to the following statement made:
" I want Christ to root in this house."
And she winked at my two other non-believers brothers...
I pray that this won't be just another dream but a vision , an answer to my prayers.

where are You?

I had a bad bad day...
and I couldn't see Your hand. I remembered I had prayed and I took that You must had heard me. Yet why things still getting in such a way?
Where are You?
where are You when I was crying in anguish, when my enemies were laughing at my failure, gloated over my shame....
Where are You?

Today, I pray again. Things do not change immediately for the best but one thing that made my eyes welled in tears was You telling me that..........

" I AM HERE.."

Split coffee

I remembered I saw her somewhere else, but I couldn't remember where I met her. I was quite frustrated because of her smile, no I mean the sacarstic kind of... My favourite white shirt was stained by hot split coffee and she walked passed me.
Then she paused and looked at me.

She is beautiful, if without the grin.
I met her in church before and worship the same Lord, I suddenly recalled.

It's true that I split my coffee, but pity her.
She had split the favor of God from her cup at the moment.

My split coffee is far more cheaper than what she had lost.